if I'm not fooling myself. if everything I believe is a lie. if the people who are closest to me are lying to me not just about little things like shagging slutty asian bimbos but big things like who they are and their capacity to lie about shagging slutty asian bimbos and their love for me. perhaps love is the wrong word because when you read about love you think something other than the capacity to tolerate someone (the "loved one") and their many faults for years on end.
then I repress these unpleasant possibly paranoid thoughts via vigorous housekeeping or having a smoke and manage to get on with my life for another wee while until the thoughts come again.
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